Hornballs, harlots and homos rejoice! We've got your invitation to the raunchiest, raciest and most debaucherous parties this Dec. 31. We're banking on kissing couples, drag-mafia manwiches and naked conga lines. Here's to staying sober enough to remember it all.

9 p.m.-4 a.m., $100, The Pleasure Garden, 61st St. and Passyunk Ave., www.exotiqueparty.com

Prepare to pop wood when DJ Big Daddy oversees the housewarming of Philly's newest fetish club. DJ Kiltboy will get the swingers swaying with go-go, retro and classic rock in the Cat Room; If those bubbly-induced boners aren't temptation enough, back that naked ass up to the buffet for some surf 'n' turf or dig into dessert at the sinful chocolate fountain.

Dinner served 5 p.m.-10 p.m., bar party 11 p.m.-2 a.m., $35-$75, Valanni Restaurant and Lounge, 1229 Spruce St., 215-790-9494

Get thee booty into the boogie action beneath the disco ball at this Gayborhood hangout. The inferno will burn with an open bar, dinner and DJ until champagne is toasted at the 12th stroke. (Or more, depending on your luck.)

7 p.m., $25, Delilah's, 100 Spring Garden St., 215-625-2800

Double your pleasure with Delilah's scantily clad divas and free shots from the club's spanking-new Zee Bar. Two parties under one roof start the year off right with a sexy champagne toast, midnight buffet and complimentary three-month VIP membership.

9 p.m., $5-$7, 12th Air Command, 254 S. 12th St., 215-545-8088

New Year's needn't be a drag just 'cause you haven't hit 21. If your balls have yet to drop, join other underagers at 12th Air Command with DJ Tek E. Older and more mature? There's no need to babysit the kiddies—adults are invited to down their drinks on the main floor and the sky lounge.

9 p.m., $50-$90, Wax, 112 Chestnut St., 215-275-8628

Wax nostalgic at Old City's "it" party, where DJ Aktive will be breaking out the old-school jams for the screw-me-drunk snowbunny crowd. Slide from decadent to scandalous with gift bags, an open bar and fireworks at midnight.

9 p.m.-2 a.m., $25, Shampoo, Seventh and Willow sts., 215-922-7500

Suds up with champagne bubbles at Club Shampoo's end-of-the-year bash. Hot Wired 96.5 will lead an R&B/hip-hop-saturated countdown to midnight. Just be sure to take your eyes off the ball long enough to catch the Mega Angel Dancers spreading their legs, breasts and wings. Naughty, naughty.